Eros Revisited
by E.J. Cady
Summary: I wrote this in roughly six hours starting at around 4 am because I felt some type of way about a dream I had.


Humane hours are in my future at work so I'll be able to update and finish the other stories I have hanging. This will most likely be my most disliked story I've written, but I blame it on a my Woody Allen mood.

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The Restaurant in the Marriot was moderately full. Tara liked it that way in the privacy of her booth. Wednesdays she delighted in ordering their special and reading a book in peace. The low hanging light overhead provided light so she wouldn't have to struggle with the words, but for the most part, even though it was lunch the restaurant had an intimate atmosphere. No one bothered her except the waitresses and the hum of the crowd around her in their individual conversations roused a sense of contentment as she read. She'd discovered the hotel restaurant's wait staff wasn't over attentive, but just enough to time their entrances when she was ready for a refill or contemplating a desert.

On a particularly scintillating chapter in her new novel her heart drummed in anticipation as the author thread the scenario of seduction together with words that made her grab her glass and take a drink. It was tea, she still had to go to work, and while facing the rest of her day with a buzz might have made her day go by faster she was more responsible than that. She placed the glass back returning to her hardback when she was assaulted by a familiar scent that her body reacted to on instinct. Her heart began to race and her palms became clammy as she tightened the hold on her book to brace herself for the inevitable confrontation.

"Marriage," the sultry voice began, "that's a hell of a way to get my attention."

Emotions warred within Tara, but the most prominent was rage and it swallowed all her other softer emotions whole like shark on a rampage. She didn't move from her spot in the booth, but she did drag her eyes away from her book letting her taut wrist rest as she acknowledged the striking blond standing at the end of the table. Pam always demanded things like attention and time and formerly Tara gave it to her willingly, but not anymore.

"Pardon," Tara was caught off guard by seeing the old flame.

"I heard through the grapevine that you were tying the knot. Do I know the lucky _man_?"

Tara closed her book on her finger to save her spot, "no you don't know _her_," she replied patiently.

Pam looked at the empty booth across from Tara. Brown eyes followed the direction of blue and considered making Pam stand uncomfortably. It's not as if she wanted the blonde's company. She was part of her past—a very distant past the dark skinned woman had not interest in revisiting.

"Her?" Pam claimed the seat without an invitation. "I was your first and from the looks of it I thought I'd be your last."

"That ego always gave you tunnel vision."

"We all have our faults."

"Some more than others," Tara stated with a playful smile on her lips.

"That sounded vaguely bitter."

"If it does then it's because you want to her hear it. I'm just stating a fact both of us are well aware of," Tara sipped from her drink still clutching her book to give her hands something to do.

"You're not over me," Pam gloated.

Brown eyes narrowed then Tara cocked her head to the side. Pam was deathly serious and she took the time to search her feelings to consider the accusation. Then with a self assuredness that surprised she answered candidly, "I am."

"Is that what you told yourself when you said yes to her?"

"I'm the one that proposed."

"On one knee?" Pam practically scowled at the cliché as the words rolled off her tongue and image suddenly came to her.

Tara smiled, "On all fours and I don't recall either one of us were wearing clothes."

"Still using sex to get what you want."

Tara presented her former lover with a vaguely amused look, "that was your specialty. If I learned anything from being you with it would be that."

"I taught you several things Tara. You can't tell me a few of the moves I shared isn't one of the reasons she said yes."

Pam loved getting credit for everything even if her role was indirect. While she was loathed giving Pam credit for anything because of the blond's bloated head, this once after so long, she compromised to speed up their reunion. Tara, much to her chagrin, was beginning to remember why she loved and hated the woman with equal fervor and she wasn't interested in either emotion. She didn't welcome those heavy emotions for a light lunch and while her tone was clearly dismissive and she opened her book again to return reading Pam still hadn't gotten the hint. The only other thing to do was to tell her to leave, but it was a public place and if Tara gave her the satisfaction of seeming flustered then Pam would read it as a window of opportunity. Though, even in silence Pam couldn't be swayed because she stayed even as Tara ignored her.

"You shouldn't get married," she said plainly. Something genuine haunted her tone, but Tara didn't know what to call it.

The unexpected declaration did accomplish to inspire in Tara anger.

"I have lunch here every Wednesday at the same time," Tara sighed, "It's been my routine for nearly four years now. What makes today any different than the day you dumped me?" She could say the words aloud and feel fine because like the anger and the hurt that accompanied her heartbreak it was all in the past. She was going to be married to a woman that she loved and loved her back with immeasurable tenderness, something Pam lacked and she realized Pam could never be.

"Maybe I don't like the idea of you lying to yourself," the blond settled into the cushion behind her. Her gaze lingered over Tara in her charcoal gray suit. She looked sexy. This was a woman she wanted to take by the hand, guide her upstairs of the hotel, shove her on the bed and have her way with her.

"You really don't listen to yourself when you speak."

"I know exactly what I'm saying." She studied her nail to deliberate how wise her next words were, but she decided to say them anyway, "I miss you."

The waitress came by in time to drop off her check. Neither woman acknowledged her or the bill holder sitting on the table between them. Pam waited impatiently for an answer and Tara was astounded at the blonde's audacity to utter those words four years too late. They'd seen each other in passing frequenting the same events. It was inevitable that they know who the other was dating, but Tara would have never believed the news of her engagement would incite this kind of response from her ex-girlfriend, frankly it was aggravating her. Snatching up the check she grabbed her belongings and headed to the front counter where she could pay for her bill. She needed space—she needed to get away. And even as she was outside drinking in the fresh November air she wasn't free of the determined blond. Pam had come after her.

"Four years," she whirled around on the blond who almost stepped on her toes to catch up.

Blue eyes studied Tara, but Pam kept quiet.

"Four fucking years," the dark skinned woman husked in disbelief, "and 'I miss you' is the best you could come up with?"

"This isn't a science Tara," Pam glared at a passing older woman with hoop earrings and a burgundy coat who had taken an interest in their argument instead of paying attention to her path. "I regret the ways things ended. If we," she stopped to correct herself, "if I hadn't been so…" she searched for the word then came up with stubborn. Her stubbornness wouldn't let Tara in or let Pam give more of herself than she was comfortable—she was afraid. Now the fear of intimacy was surpassed by something greater, the fear of being without her. The news marinated for a month before she finally discovered what bothered her about the engagement. She didn't want Tara with anyone else. With a limited window and all the motivation in the world to convince Tara to reconsider her decision she shamelessly sought her out for this specific purpose.

She wore blue, Tara's favorite color, and a blouse and skirt combination that denote and aura of control. It didn't occur to Pam to go to Tara frazzled. She didn't believe in looking anything less than her best not realizing it was that obsession with image that lead to the fall of their relationship as well.

On the sidewalk in a stalemate the wind didn't seem to bother either woman who was so focused on their conversation they missed the actions of the world around them. They were in front of a jeweler's store. The gunshot was loud and startling punctuated by the glass that shattered from the bullets impact. Two bodies in baggy clothes in ski masks sped by Tara and Pam and both women eyed them. But, only one woman remained standing when the culprits ran around the corner.

"Oh no, Oh god…..somebody call for help!" The panicked voice rang out echoing while Tara lost consciousness in Pam's arms.

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Pam stared at the snack machine with no interest in clogging her body with high fructose syrup which was mostly likely the most popular ingredient in all the snacks. The humming of the machine was a soothing change from the dead silence of the waiting room. Unseeing she considered the days beginning and how it showed no ominous signs that by the afternoon she'd be in the waiting room to hear news of her ex lover. Fortunately, forty five minutes after she saw them pushing Tara on a gurney behind doors she couldn't go through the doctor explained her condition. The pointy nosed chin was filled with small hairs of a growing patch of hair that looked like it would grow nicely into a goatee. She was told the wound was through and through with no internal damage. She understood what he meant, but she wanted a simpler explanation to be certain. Releasing a tense sigh when the elder doctor informed her Tara would live she went for a walk to stretch tense limbs and clear her head which lead her to the snack machine. She stared at the M&M's seriously considering them as a contender to pacify her growling stomach. The blond couldn't remember what she'd eaten that day and since it was going on six o'clock she thought it best to at least have something on her stomach. She wanted to be back in the waiting room just in case the doctor came back. M&M's it is she placed her dollar inside the machine watching it fall and a nickel fell in the change slot for her to collect.

Playing with the opening of the bag her head rose to examine the rest of the large crowd waiting for news of their loved ones. She was surprised to see a familiar face and it seemed the surprise was shared when Naomi recognized Pam.

"Pam," she acknowledged her slowly standing and moving closer to the blond, "you didn't have to come down here," she smiled grateful for the gesture. "The doctor says Tara's fine."

The first response to lie was usurped by the truth, "I'm the one that road with her to the hospital," she admitted.

Naomi narrowed her eyes now. With that look Pam could only assume the stories Tara told her soon-to-be wife about her weren't in the least flattering.

"I didn't know the hospital called you," she finished feeling out place now that there was someone with an actual right to be there present.

"I'm her emergency contact. What happened?" Noami asked suspiciously noting Pam wasn't injured.

"Robbery, a stray bullet…." she paused reliving the shock on Tara's face and her legs crumbling underneath her moments after they both realized she was hit, "Tara was in the line of fire. The police have taken my statement and when Tara's ready they want to talk to her too. I doubt she can help them anymore than me—it happened too fast."

Noami was still curious about one thing, "you were with her?"

Pam heard the distrust in the question and for no other reason than to help her cause to have Tara for herself she decided to admit, "Nothing happened," she reassured Tara's lover. "We were having a discussion; I told Tara I want a second chance."

The brunette was shocked into silence. An old man with a wrinkled hand covered his mouth as he coughed then returned the same hand to the magazine he was holding to pass the time. Turning her gaze to Pam she smiled thinly, "she's happy, we're happy—why would you….?"

"I made a mistake. And I almost lost her today," Pam didn't believe in signs, but she wasn't ignorant to think that Tara lying in a hospital didn't mean something. She was alive when she could have just as easily died from a number of complications and a storm of 'ifs' that ran through her head when she was waiting to hear from a doctor. Decorum and etiquette weren't a concern for death and anyone at anytime could be taken from any station in life. Time was precious and Pam hadn't realized until now how much of it she wasted being stubborn and silent and pretending she was fine with Tara out of her life.

"You're incredible. Tara told me stories about you, but I always thought she was exaggerating, but she wasn't," she scoffed.

Pam blinked. "This isn't your fault, and when Tara chooses me don't think that you did something wrong. We're meant to be together. She saw it then and unfortunately it took me a little longer, but now that I know who I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with." She stepped closer finishing more meaningfully, "don't think for a moment that I'm going to let a little thing like an engagement get in the way of our happiness."

Naomi on the verge of a comeback was stopped when a nurse sought Pam out.

"Ms. Thornton can accept visitors now, but it must be brief," the waitress stepped up to the brunette and the blond unaware how sensitive the subject matter was continued, "a few minutes won't hurt, but you'll have to go one at a time."

"She's not staying," Naomi interjected.

Pam didn't seem bothered with her declaration of war out in the open. She handed Naomi the M & M's which the brunette blindly took still in a state of shock. The blond turned on her heels and left knowing there was much to be done and so little time to do it in. With a vague plan of action to get Tara back when she met her in the restaurant the shooting was the wakeup call to change all of her conniving to something simpler, romance. She would have loved to stay and see Tara breathing and talking for herself, but she aware that if there was anyone the dark skinned woman wanted to see after such an ordeal it wasn't her. Naomi won this round, but only because she was the most important person in Tara's life at the moment. Those feels were subject to change especially when Pam knew Tara still had feelings for her.

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2 Months later….

Under house arrest by her girlfriend Tara was informed to take it easy and to ensure that her soon to be wife would follow her implicit instruction to rest she hired a nanny until Tara recuperated. The nanny was a tall woman at 5'8 and her build was more like a tank. To say she was intimidating was putting it mildly and Naomi appreciated the authoritative smile that gave her a sadistic look more than it did a congenial one. Noami needed someone who couldn't be swayed by her girlfriend's charm and she found the perfect ally in Nurse Hannah. With her short hair hanging just under her ears, her first assumption as well as Tara's had been that she was part of the family. But, she spoke warmly of a husband and a family of two children who were in school and excited for the upcoming Thanksgiving break. Putting on a pair of earrings she moved around the bedroom collecting different accessories to her outfit that she sat down when she was in search of an outfit to wear.

"I don't need a babysitter."

The brunette gave her lover a look as she finished clasping her bracelet on her left wrist, "not this morning," she warned.

Tara knew the other reason for the babysitter and it hurt Naomi didn't trust her enough to handle Pam on her own.

"I won't be able to make it for lunch. I've got a meeting with a prospective buyer and it'll probably turn into a lunch thing."

Her scowl deepened at the news, "great another afternoon with Hannah and Judy."

Sending her lover a smile she knew on some level Tara was beginning to enjoy the show Judge Judy almost as much as the nurse did. "Baby," she moved to the bed where Tara was lounging on a plethora of pillows that kept her comfortably upright. "You're not going to be a bitch today are you?"

"I was considering it," the dark skinned woman pouted.

"You know I would be here to have lunch with and on you if I could."

"I don't think you find me attractive anymore," Tara continued to pout.

With an indulgent and highly amused smile she shook her head, "what am I going to do with you?"

Dark feminine hands circled Naomi's waist, "if you have to ask the question then it's been way too long." She pulled her lover closer to her until she could comfortably slide her hands under Naomi's brown skirt and knead the toned thigh underneath.

"You can't handle me," Naomi immediately felt herself getting aroused contemplating straddling Tara and riding her hand until she crashed from the high that was her lover's ministrations.

Tara's fingers played at the opening of her panties and Naomi obliged by pulling her skirt up and placing her foot on the bed to give Tara the access she needed. It had been way too long for the couple and it was all the more incentive for Tara to get well.

"Baby I have to get to work," Naomi whimpered her actions implying that she was completely fine with Tara's attention—no matter how late it made her for work.

Tara just hummed in response leaning toward her lover's wet center until a sharp and uncomfortable pain ended all her dreams of bringing Naomi to climax. Noticing her lover's pain Noami's leg dropped immediately and her hands went out to Tara as if to catch her. Concerned eyes soaked in the pain filled scowl.

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly, "are you ok?"

Tara leaned into her lover's shoulder that slightly rocked when the chocolate skinned woman gave into her lover's coddling embrace.

"I told you you couldn't handle me," Naomi aimed to lighten the mood.

Both women were still sensitive about what could have happened if the bullet had punctured something vital like an organ. Tara more than Naomi suffered from nightmares sometimes she could get her to share and other times she left Tara to her thoughts sensing she needed space more than conversation. Begrudgingly she loosened her grip sliding her hands to Tara's cheeks she caressed them gently, "are you ok?"

"Yea, fine," Tara lied through clenched teeth.

This was one of the times Tara needed space she judged when the woman turned her head away and returned to the cushion of her pillows.

"I'll call you," the brunette reassured. Tara nodded watching her lover continue getting ready. With a brusque kiss on her lips Naomi was gone leaving Tara to herself for at least thirty minutes until the nurse arrived to help her with getting ready for her day. She hated feeling like an invalid especially in front of strangers. Fortunately nurse Hannah handled it like a professional would with decency and decorum she would expect since she did this for a living.

In her bed with the remote at her fingertips and bell on her side table, she stared at the black screen looking at her pathetic reflection. She watched her hand slide along the gauze on her stomach and she wondered how ugly the scar was and would be when she was finally healed.

Her phone rang. It was her habit to look at the name of the caller. This number was unidentified and since she wasn't in the habit of answering random phone calls she didn't. It rang until the caller gave up and after a few moments of peace it started up again.

"What?" Tara answered annoyed.

"Aren't we chipper this morning?"

Tara immediately hung up the phone. Sliding her hands over the screen she looked at her call log memorizing the number.

The front door opened. It didn't alarm the wounded woman. Hannah was given a key since Naomi didn't want to leave the house unlocked and Tara couldn't answer the door. She heard footsteps climbing the stairs. The nurse would probably make her walk a little today, she didn't mind, it beat sitting in bed all day at the mercy of her injury.

"It's rude to hang up on people," Pam said as she entered Tara and Naomi's bedroom. She hid the scowl of disgust from Naomi's hovering perfume.

"How the hell did you get in here Pam?" furious that Pam had the audacity to come into her sanctuary unannounced in the room she shared with her soon to be wife.

"I broke in," she answered simply, and then she dangled keys in front of her, "I still have a key."

"You can leave those on the dresser before you get the hell out."

"I'm getting the feeling you don't want me here."

"I'm not in the mood for your bullshit today."

"I'm in love with you."

"Stop."

"I'm fighting for you."

"Stop."

"I'm—"

"A pain in my backside!" her hand reached for her stomach in pain and a flurry of words came out strained, but she meant them. "Stop Pam….I'm happy…I'm getting married. And this crisis you're going through is seriously pissing off Naomi and me."

"I don't think she likes me," she considered, "at all."

Tara smiled at Pam's expression of confusion reading it for the show it was. "It hurts to laugh so you're not allowed to be funny," she ordered. "What's that?" she nodded to Pam's cargo.

Pam held up the white bag with a familiar logo on the front, "breakfast."

Tara was hungry. While she didn't say it her stomach betrayed her.

The blond kicked off her shoes on eying the bed warily, "I'm not going to sink into any juices am I?"

"You might," Tara teased evilly.

Taking her chances and examining the spot she chose to sit she ended up on the opposite end of the bed rummaging through the bag taking out the goodies she'd bought for them.

"Sal sends his best," she shared the owner's well wishes.

Tara shrugged her left shoulder Pam got on all fours in her pants suite and a low hanging blouse. She carefully placed Tara's breakfast burrito on her legs with a slew of napkins graciously. Before she returned to her side of the bed her eyes went straight to Tara's stomach. Blue eyes reached Tara's in silent question while pale hands tugged at the shirt lightly.

"I just want to see," Pam affirmed in a whisper only partly aroused, but mostly concerned. She lifted Tara's shirt pausing when she saw the gauze.

"How does it…feel?"

"Like a bullet went through me." She pushed Pam's wrist downward and her shirt went with it.

Taking full advantage of her proximity a hand reached out to push a stray hair from Tara's forehead behind her ear. "How does this feel?"

"Like my ex is making herself way too comfortable in the bed I share with my wife."

Pulling back Pam returned to her spot, "You're not married yet."

"You won't let me forget it."

Since her stay at the hospital Pam spared no expense on gifts and flowers mailed directly to her home. It caused a great deal of tension between her and Naomi even though the brunette assured her she wasn't worried. After she'd made that statement the gifts were intercepted and nurse Hannah aka the babysitter arrived.

"You remember the time that we took that road trip to North Carolina? This reminds me of the small sleepy town and the inn with the pine mural of a beaver."

Tara chewed. The road trip had been entirely unplanned. When she woke up one morning Pam had their bags packed and the car running. The blond had announced with playful authority that the dark skinned woman was being kidnapped and that she had taken the liberty to inform Tara's office that she wouldn't be coming into work that day because of a bad case of food poisoning. Surprised and elated Tara jumped on Pam's wagon of adventure pleasantly overwhelmed by excitement and anticipation.

"What was the owner's name?" Pam dropped her head to remember.

Tara helpfully replied, "Sherwood, like Sherwood forest."

Excited blues jumped to Tara in recognition, "that's it. I don't know how I forgot."

"It was a long time ago."

Pam rejoined meaningfully, "but you didn't forget."

Realizing her mistake Tara focused on her burrito and Pam finally took a bite of hers wiping the side of her mouth with a napkin. "Fuck I missed this," she said with half chewed food in the pocket of her cheek.

Tara nodded with a hint of a smile on her face, "yea, I need to start going there again."

"Me too," Pam agreed. "What do you have in your fridge to drink?" she wiped her hands and standing.

"I don't know," Tara shared.

Pam went off to explore Tara's refrigerator. As soon as the blond stepped out the door the phone rang. This time she did recognize the number answering it halfway through the second ring.

"Hey beautiful," Naomi greeted her from the other side.

"Hey," Tara hoped she didn't sound as worried as she thought she did.

"I made it to work ok. Is Hannah there yet?"

"No babe, not yet."

"Oh….well I'm sure she'll be there soon," there was an awkward pause in the conversation. Sensing Tara wanted to say something and Naomi had a thought or two on her mind they deliberated in silence before deciding at the same time to continue.

"I love you," they both rushed out. And in laughter they bonded over the absurdity of their actions and Tara forgetting her ex was downstairs in her fridge became filled with a happiness that this woman loved her despite her bullshit.

"When are you getting home?"

"I don't know."

"I think you can do better than that," Tara teased.

"I might be able to get off by five," she hummed.

"Might?"

"Don't get all needy on me," Naomi smiled into the phone her tone light and teasing.

"Why don't we get married today?" Tara heard herself saying.

An uncertain laugh followed Tara's question and Naomi soon replied, "what are you talking about?"

"I want you as my wife today, not tomorrow or the next day, I think we should do it."

"We don't have dresses, you can barely walk," Naomi listed all the reasons it wouldn't work, "is this the medication talking?" she asked finally.

Tara smiled, "no," she was overwhelmed by an urgency she perceived inspired by the intense emotions for Naomi. "We can do the ceremony here in the room. And we can have Hannah as you're maid of honor and I can call Lafayette—"

"You're insane."

"Today," Tara rejoined.

"Tara."

"Today."

Naomi responded with silence and Tara waited with anticipation on the other end, "I can get off work a few hours early," that was all she would concede to and Tara's slightly deflated when her lover said they'd talk about it more when she got home.

Pam rounded the corner hearing enough of the conversation to know that something drastic needed to be done or she's lose Tara forever.

"I found orange juice," she announced hinting nothing as she placed the glass on the bedside table.

Tara thanked her distractedly.

"Everything ok?" the blond asked.

"Fine," Tara answered quickly. She looked at her watch and wondered where the nurse was. "You should go. I have a nurse coming—she comes everyday around this time."

"I saw her, quite butch that one. She says she hopes you feel better when I said her services wouldn't be required."

"What?"

"I can take care of you."

"Please tell me you're not going to break my legs and leave me an invalid until I do what you want."

"Fuck you Tara. I want to spend time with you. I'm not the woman who I used to be."

"You've ignored me when I said leave me alone. You've got no regard for the future of my relationship with Naomi—a relationship that you jeopardize everyday you insist that you have feelings for me by the way. You're always playing an angle like this is a game you can win by being the most manipulative—and that's your problem! You don't love you just love the idea of me being yours and winning me from someone that's not you. And you're so caught up in your delusion—"

Pam kissed her. The force startled Tara into silence and Pam sliding the burrito away with one hand straddled Tara's legs careful of her wound she cupped the dark skinned woman's face in between her hands encouraged by Tara kissing her back.

"Fuck you," Tara ripped her head away grabbing Pam by the throat hindering a second advance on her lips.

Testing her grip she tightened it against Pam's neck and the woman responded in kind by dry humping the leg she straddled. This was a bad idea, a bad fucking idea. Breaking her hold like she'd been burned they dropped harmlessly to her side and she met the dissatisfied gaze of her former lover.

"Don't stop," she drew Tara's hand to her breast where a nipple, hard from arousal, wished to be played with.

Desire, hunger, and carnal need to be take something over filled Tara. She felt pain when she shifted, but she it wasn't mind shattering. She could still function and Pam was more than willing to cross the line with Tara.

"I love you," Pam's mantra filled the room when she relieved herself of her pants and panties wearing only an open blouse and riding Tara's hands. She moved back and forth in her upward and downward thrusts.

"Shut up," Tara husked uninterested in her declarations of love. She wanted to overwhelm the woman with emotion. To fill her up with need until it bubbled to the surface and exploded. Her hands were soaked hand her eyes were alternatively glued to Pam's bouncing breasts and her face folded in ecstasy.

Pam gave herself willingly and entirely and Tara took it all. She drank it in like a thirsty traveler attacks a pale of water from days of wandering in the desert. Tara didn't love Pam. She knew it before the seduction and it was glaringly clear when she watched the blond reach the precipice of her climax. She didn't love the blond, but there was something hungry that Pam fed and that Naomi only managed to tease and irritate.

The blond didn't move from her position. Breathing heavy she searched brown eyes with a hopeful stare.

"You fucked me," she gloated as her heart calmed along with her breathing. She smiled like she'd won a prize cementing her victory with a long kiss on Tara's full lips.

"I was there," Tara answered darkly when she pulled away.

Pam unsure of how to proceed whatever happened next would be Tara's decision. She fully expected the woman to crawl back into her comfortable shell and tell her to leave again. And as she expected it occurred to her Tara's fingertips were still caressing her bare thighs.

"How's your side?"

"Hurts," she frowned from the pain.

"This is not how I pictured this morning."

"Isn't it?" Tara glared at her scathingly.

"You're an adult Tara, I can't control you. I didn't place your fingers inside me."

Tara didn't respond.

"At the risk of sounding like a broken record, you shouldn't get married."

Tara laughed humorously, "because of this? This doesn't mean anything."

An annoyed Pam clenched her jaw, "I don't think Naomi would see it like that."

"You're going to tell on me?" Tara didn't sound as concerned as she felt.

"She won't want you after that will she?" she looked like she was talking more to herself than Tara. Then she concentrated on her ex girlfriend again, "will she?"

"You want her number?"

Tara would call her bluff. Pam reached for Tara's phone and Tara grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer. With her other hand, ignoring the pain all her movements and shifts caused, she pulled her by her blouse. Pam complied mostly because the blouse was one of her favorites and she didn't want it torn. When she was close enough she grabbed Pam by the back of her thigh coaxing her closer. Fearing she might lose her balance and fall on Tara she brought her other leg forward to compensate for the off balanced feeling. She stepped onto the bed and Tara with a hold still on Pam's leg drew it up until it rested on top of the headboard and her hands soon followed leaving one leg to tremble as Tara flicks her tongue to caress the hard nub that pleaded for attention.

"Fuck," Pam breathed hunching over and bending her straight leg more so that her center was closer to Tara's expert tongue. She rode it thrusting into Tara stopping only when she was trapped between to full lips then a tongue that sucked her hard and leaving her trembling.

Her eye shut, the pleasure shot through her leaving her speechless. Nothing existed if it had nothing to do with this pleasure she felt. And as she struggled with Tara's names with several false starts and then stammering she decided to give up entirely and brace herself for the release she felt coming.

"I..I'm..I'm…c…c..com…" a shower of thanks covered Tara's mouth down to her chin and her neck.

In her dazed state laying next to Tara mostly likely in Naomi's vaguely heard Tara whisper, "this doesn't mean anything."

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Pam's fingertips itched for the phone. She'd been staring at it for the longest time in her apartment with the numbers of Naomi's phone dancing in her head. Playing with the idea of calling her she picked up the phone several times before she decided against it each time. With her feet under her and a loose and pants she slipped into she'd contemplated her day with Tara. They hadn't resolved anything and ended up complicating things more. Pam wasn't sad about her actions. In her eyes it brought her that much closer to her ultimate goal having Tara all to herself.

The bedroom door of her suite opened revealing her sister in black shorts and a checkered blouse. "What happened to you yesterday?"

Startled from her thoughts she looked at her roommate Jessica went straight from the kitchen from her room. They shared the suite when her sister moved back in the family hotel after a nasty and public breakup with her boyfriend. Pam couldn't remember his name which wasn't too surprising since her boyfriends were all forgettable.

"I didn't know you were home," she ignored the question then looked at the bedroom door, "are you alone?"

The redhead gasped in mock indignation. "You act like you've never seen a man's junk before."

"I have and I have no interest in seeing it again—hence me being the lesbian in the family."

Her sister shrugged as she took out cold pizza from the fridge to reheat, "want some?" she asked the woman on the couch, "It's Marco's," it was one of her sister's favorite.

"I'm not that hungry," she said from her position on the couch lying back to stare at the ceiling and to hide from the prying eyes of her little sister.

"So what happened to you yesterday?"

"Nothin," she lied.

"I'm just a concerned sister who was told to relay a message from a concerned father that next time his little girl wants to call out of work the least you could do is give him the courtesy of a call."

"I'll write that down."

"Are you ok….you've been acting…strange. More strange than usual," her sister rested her forearms on the back of the couch with her hands clasps standing in her sister's line of sight.

"Fine."

Getting the hint that the older woman might want time to herself Jessica went around the couch picking up her sister's feet she placed them on her legs as she waited for an answer, "is this about Tara?"

Tilting her head at her sister she answered her with a frown.

"It's understandable if you're not ok with it. You two were headed down the aisle until…." She trailed off when she began touching on a particularly painful piece of history. Pam was about to slide her legs away, but Jessica held them in place. "I know you're not in a wedding mood, but dad says there's a meeting downstairs in the ballroom. The lady's looking for a place to have her wedding and he wants you at your best."

"I'm not in the mood," she gave her sister a bored look.

"I could have Javier put something in her food next Wednesday if you want," she gloated evilly, "he'll do anything for me."

Jessica and Pam were from two different marriages. Each woman wanted the child and a chunk of the hotel Marriot their father franchised and neither woman got custody or his money. They lived, all three, in hotel with room service and a score of characters that checked in and out every day. It was a wonderland for the children and they couldn't help growing up with a little more entitlement than others because their father let them. Pam loved her father and her childhood, but there were moments where she could have seen a life lesson could have been thrown in to make her different person.

"No," she declined her sister's offer knowing she had no moral qualms with making Tara sick.

"What does she thinks she's doing eating at the restaurant every Wednesday anyway?" Jessica frowned.

"Enjoying the special," her sister said simply.

"Fucking with your head," she corrected. "At least she hasn't brought whats-her-name."

"Naomi," Pam's eyes were unfocused thinking about the woman, "Her name's Naomi."

"Are you going to be ok?"

Sliding her legs successfully from her sister she placed on her shoes and buttoned the top button of her blouse. "I'll be late," she put on her jacket heading to the door, "don't forget your pizza," her nose twitched because she smells it burning.

Pam heard her sister rush to the oven with a squeal closing the door after her to meet the prospective client. Walking through her home she let herself wonder about her place on her father's staff rather than her love life. Both subjects gave her a headache, but one was more tolerable than the other at the moment—her father wanted her to take more responsibility in the hotel. It was understandable since he was reaching his retirement years and he wanted to pass along his legacy with her. Jessica in her late twenties had the emotional capacity of a tween uninterested in taking over anything. She loved the perks and the people rather than the paperwork and the public image.

The elevator doors opened and she headed toward the ballroom. It was a nice sized room that was popular with guests who were interested in wedding receptions or seminars. Her father spent months with an architect to make it as phenomenal as everyone claimed it was and it was by far the biggest reason her father's Marriot was the envy of competing hotels in the area.

When she walked in she was greeted by the familiar back of a woman she hadn't expected to see. What the hell was she doing here? But, Pam didn't forget herself. Walking in with a lazy confident gait she reached her hand out to shake Naomi's hand.

Naomi looked at it as if it were a weapon to be wary of. She didn't attempt to shake Pam's hand. Instead she handed her a brown paper bag.

Inspecting the contents as Naomi surveyed the room she smiled to herself curious as to the woman's intent. She closed the bag holding her black lace panties.

"I'm guessing you wanted me to find those."

Pam followed behind her as she slid her hand along a smooth post identical to three others that sandwiched the dance floor.

"This is the part where I'm supposed to be angry and end the engagement right?"

"I don't think you would make winning Tara over that easy for me. But, if you insist I can provide a consoling shoulder to help her get over you."

"I'm sure you'd provide a lot more than a shoulder."

"Shoulder…vagina…there all forms of comfort at my disposal."

"At least you're honest."

"I know what I want."

"We've had three beautiful years Pam. She's happy. Don't go fucking up her head because you've decided you know what you want. You're love is selfish if that's what it is—and you're only going to end up hurting her."

"We fucked in your bed."

"We fucked in your hotel," she eyed the ballroom, "how much to rent this out for the day? I think it's perfect."

"We're booked. There's a waiting list we can put you on if you like."

"It's bad business to let your personal feelings get in the way of a profit. Money's no problem."

"I said no."

"That's unfortunate," she gave the room another once over imagining how beautiful the reception could have been. "I'll be mailing the invitations out soon. I hope you'll RSVP."

"I don't see the point in wasting your money on invitations to a wedding that won't happen."

"Fuck her brains out Pam," Naomi squared her shoulders to the tall blond, "I don't care how many times you make her cum—I'm her forever—and you're just for right now."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pam after her confrontation or conversation or whatever it was slammed the suite door startling her sister who stopped mid chew of eating pizza to stare at her sister.

"That arrogant, presumptuous, bitch!"

"The meeting went well I see." She lowered her pizza little, "this isn't like the time you took a meeting with the wife of the attorney you were sleeping with is it."

Pam gave her sister a look.

"It is like the time you took a meeting with the wife of the attorney you were sleeping with," Jessica said with a smile intrigued. "Who is she? Where'd you meet her? How pissed was she? What'd she say to piss you off so badly?" It was out of character for her sister to be so affected and concerned.

"Naomi gave me her blessing to fuck Tara."

The smile on her sister's lips fell into a line of confusion accompanied by a deep frown as she repeated the phrase over and over in head until it clicked. "Noami as in your ex girlfriends girlfriend."

"Bitch."

Jessica took that as a yes continuing, "and Tara as in the ex girlfriend whose now Naomi's girlfriend."

"Good to know you're keeping up."

"Why is she giving you permission?"

"She was returning these," Pam threw the bag at her sister who opened it curiously until she tossed it away from her and pizza, "dude that's underwear," then it clicked, "why the hell is she returning your underwear?"

"Yesterday I went to check in on Tara. To see if she was ok," that had been entirely true, "one thing lead to another."

"And you left evidence," Jessica acknowledged the sagging bag on the floor.

"And it backfired. She not threatened by me—she's so certain Tara will choose her over me."

Jessica eyed her sister, "sorry to say it but she already has."

"I wasn't making an effort then."

"And what's changed now?"

Everyone was asking her that question. It was obvious wasn't it? She was in love. She saw the error in her ways. She doesn't want to spend her life alone and the only person she can think of spending a lifetime with is the one woman who's engaged to someone else. Love doesn't mean you throw in the towel because you make a mistake. By sheer will she'll make Tara understand that she understands she was wrong and will do anything to win her back. If anything, Naomi's visit only fueled Pam's mission because she loved proving people wrong.

When she listed all of the reasons after four years Jessica eyed her sister skeptically.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

1 Month Later….

For her first Wednesday back Tara claimed her regular booth and she was greeted by a waitress she hadn't seen before. Mostly likely a new hire she pulled out her book after she ordered the special. Her glass of tea was dropped off with a note the on a white square saucer.

The note had a room number adding informatively her food would be served there as well. Brown eyes scanned the restaurant. Collecting her thoughts resigned to bottle her reservations she stood with her things and proceeded to the room by way of the elevator. On the ride up she changed her mind several times but in time before the bell rang for the doors to slide open presenting her with a carpeted hall.

After one knock Tara was greeted by Pam in a robe blue silk robe. Neither woman spoke as Pam moved out the way to let Tara in.

"Drink?"

Tara stared at the woman blankly.

"No drink," Pam began opening her robe, "desert?"

Tara started toward her grabbing the robe before it slid open completely, she sighed, "I don't want to do this."

Pam's hand fell over Tara's and the other began caressing the pulse point at her neck, "what don't you want to do?"

"The gifts, the sex, it's…..it's not what I want."

Pam ripped her hands away from Tara turning her back as she tied her robe. "You were singing a different tune last time we were together."

"It was just sex."

"Tara."

"Stop making this into something this isn't," Tara raised her voice agitated by Pam stubbornness. She stalked toward Pam until they were inches from each other and the blonds' retreat was hindered by hotel window. "I loved you I lost you and when I thought there was no point to life Naomi gave me a reason to wake up in the morning."

"Tara," her hand rose to comfort her.

Uninterested in the blonds' comfort she caught the hand in a vice grip and slamming her first on the other side of her face. A minute measure of comfort filled her as she saw the look of fear. "You left me. You made me feel like shit. I was lost and you were fine to leave me that way. When you love someone you don't do that."

Angry Pam responded, "if you didn't want me then why did you come?"

"I never said I didn't want you," her eyes trailed over Pam's face. Then fingers played with the sash of her robe undoing Pam's bow. "I want you. But this is all I'm willing to give. My heart is Naomi."

The words stung more than Pam would have liked them to. And to coincide with it was the burn of Tara's fingers against her flesh as she toyed with the Pam's resolve. Was love taking what she could get? Or was it something one couldn't sate with stipulations? Her body said yes to Tara's touch and she didn't fight when another hand entered her robe caressing her flesh. Pam wanted her to take liberties with her body fully convinced with time Tara would change her mind.

And then Naomi's words rang in her head when she felt Tara's tongue snake out and draw a wet line from her ear to her collarbone. Two hands pressed against Tara's shoulders stopped her.

"I want more. I want us."

"I'm not in love with you Pam. And I don't want to be," she stepped back calming her breathing.

They could waste their breath on what they did and did not want. What would be the point? Both women were too stubborn to compromise. Pam watched Tara leave remembering a time when it had been her walking out on Tara. Was this how she felt? Was this the lost feeling she meant? Closing her robe she disappeared safely in her room in need of a shower to fight the chill underneath her skin. She turned the water on pleased to see the steam rising and she jumped in standing still under the onslaught feeling her skin burn under the water.

Tears mingled with water and she didn't care to make a distinction of which was which as she crumbled to the floor of the shower. She cradled her legs to her chest dropping her head while her hair matted to the side of her face and her shoulders.


End file.
